he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize