Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
