take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
