Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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