Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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