I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
