please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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