We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I'm at about main and main street
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Randomize
