i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize