When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
