gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
