just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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