Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
