You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Randomize
