508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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