turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
