yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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