Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
