I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
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