if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
