Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
