Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Randomize
