i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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