that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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