I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
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