you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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