I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
