When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize