i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
