i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I am naked and annoyed.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
