He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
