I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
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