Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
