Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Randomize