you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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