yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Everyone says I win the strip club
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
