tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
