After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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