Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
