i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
