I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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