you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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