Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
