I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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