I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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