At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize