Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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