Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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