My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
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