"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
