the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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