I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
