The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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