I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
