She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
