Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
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