meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
