To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
