Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
