You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Text me some of your sweat
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
