She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
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