but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
