if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
