just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
