i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
The beer is more important than you right now.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
