He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
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