Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
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