I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Randomize
