It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
